Never Say Never!

I have certainly learned a few lessons over the years as a mom, like this one in particular...NEVER SAY NEVER!!!

"No one will have a motorcycle as long as they are still living in our house!"  Yeah, right!  Then, you have this very responsible son who pays for everything himself, has a job, goes to a tech school, makes all arrangements for it to be paid beforehand, (he has not had to pay a cent), pays for his truck BY HIMSELF, and decides to buy a motorcycle!  He researches everything, reviews everything, so how can you say no?  Well, we couldn't.  He is extremely cautious; he didn't get that from his mother!  :) He is almost too cautious, but gets his license after practicing and riding around close to home for a couple weeks, and talking with a cousin who helped him learn a few things.  

So, yes, we have a motorcycle.  He is 19, 18 when he bought it, and rides when he can, and especially when the weather is lovely. 

He rode to the moutains and sent some lovely pics from the overlooks.  He has enjoyed himself, and rides to school and work when the weather is nice, which is much more often these days.  

Julia had been wanting a ride, so he borrowed a helmet and took her.  He still won't take his mom yet though!  I believe she really enjoyed it!  They had a good time!  I just love anytime brothers and sisters enjoy each other, and here, that is most all the time.  Love it, so blessed!

So, mothers, never say never, because God may just teach you a lesson in one way or another!  One lesson from a seasoned mother.

Enjoy this blessed day, tell your children you love them, and get out in this lovely sunshine today!

Always Experiencing Him,
Jody

Where Are the Respectful Children?

Why do we decide to have children?  Do we want them?  Is it a social stigma that we aren't complete unless we have children?  Why do we decide on 2, or 4, or 20 children?  Is it our right to decide?  When we have children, are we willing to accept the responsibility?  The responsibility to raise them, to teach and train and guide them, throughout their growing up years?  And, beyond?  Or, are we going to pass that responsibility off to everyone else to raise them for us?  Day-cares, preschools, schools, friends, grandparents.  We don't mind having babies, we say we love being pregnant, we love cuddly babies, "they are so cute," but then we get tired, and decide we did want that career, or we sure did like the peace and quite before kids, so it's much easier to hand them over to others to do our job.  Compare the hours you are actually with, engaging with your children, to the time they are with others or asleep, because they aren't really trouble when they are asleep, for the most part.

We have heard a lot in past years regarding the scripture in Genesis 1 verse 28; "Be fruitful and multiply."  What exactly does that mean?  Does this mean we are to have as many children as humanly possible?  I believe when God spoke those words to Adam and Eve that was His intention, because they had the job of filling this world He had made.  Also to Noah and his family, because they had the same job as Adam and Eve had, to fill the earth.  However, I also believe God knew Adam and Eve would fall from His grace, they would fail in being obedient to His words, to His commands, and God had not, as yet, given all His commands.  We, however, have God's entire Word to look at, His laws, commands, His truths to a prosperous and blessed world.   Unless we look at His entire Word, to ALL the principles He has given us, we will fail.  To have lots of children is a good thing, but until we apply that ONE principle to the many, many principles of how to raise those children, then we will have failed to fulfill His purpose for those children in this world, to raise them up for the glory of the Lord.

If children are rude and disrespectful, we must ask, "Why?"  Because the mother and the father have taught them to be that way.  Unintentionally, as it may be, but they taught it.  You may strongly disagree, but let's go further and see if you might change your mind.  If I have not taught my child to behave at home, in and around family, then they will misbehave elsewhere.  If I have not taught my child to mind me when I tell or ask them to do something, then I have taught them that it is OK to disregard my requests.  Do you see where I am going now?  If we have not taught them to do what is right, then we have taught them to do what is wrong.  If we are not encouraging good behavior, through discipline and punishment and consequences, then we are encouraging them to misbehave, to continue to "push the buttons," to continue to, "see if mom or dad really means what they say."  And they will, and it works.  Parents, if your child tells you "No," then you have not been the parent God intended you to be.  You are not, "training a child in the way he should go."  Yes, you are training him, training him to tell adults no, training him to not obey when asked to do something, training him to be disrespectful, to talk back, to be, what was once called, a smart-aleck.  Now, I know that term is not used anymore, but we have some very smart-alecky kids around.  At the same time, we have smart-alecky adults who have taught them to be that way.  

I have gone round and round and round this issue, and have not wanted to write more on parenting, (there are other posts here and here), but God just keeps on putting this on my heart, till I simply canNOT get away from it.  I have thought about the "new" ways of parenting circulating from everywhere, and I have seen the implementation of this, the "grace parenting," the "always be positive mode," the "use only Scripture to teach," and then I look around and see the children of our day being more disrespectful than any generation I have heard of and seen, more selfish, and rude, and lazy, I believe we can honestly say, "It is not working."  I do believe ALL of those work together to make the principles God laid out for us as parents, but none, alone, works.

When have you seen a child, who is asked to do something, automatically do it when asked?  The first time, all the time, and with a joyful heart?  Now, I know, all the time and with a joyful heart may come and go, but with instruction and teaching and training, and LOVE, it can happen, and someday, your teenagers will be a JOY to be around and not a burden as so many believe, and so many are, you see them everywhere you go. 

What does it take to have respectful children?  It first takes respectful adults.   We have 20, 30, 40, and even 50 year old kids these days.  This is very sad.  No wonder the children we see are selfish, immature, disrespectful, rude, and what once was called "bratty."  Take a look around and listen, listen closely, anywhere you are, to the adults.  See and hear how they interact with cashiers, waiters, waitresses, people standing in line in front of them, and especially when they talk to their children and adults who are with them.  We have a couple of the rudest generations around, and I believe it comes from not wanting to be a "mean" mommy or daddy.  We are paying  the price of a world of narcissistic and entitled people because we have not wanted to wield--are you ready for it?--Discipline.  Yes, we feel so bad when we must discipline our children.  We want our children to be happy, to do what they want, to just go and have fun, to not have to be responsible until they "have " to as adults.  The problem is, when they do not grow up being taught how to be responsible, respectful, nice, kind, quiet, polite, then they will NOT, all of a sudden, decide, "Oh, now it's time to be a grown up," and at once have all of those good characteristics.  They must be taught, from early, early on.  If a three year old talks back to his mother or father, then he will talk back when he's 15.  Guess what?  It isn't so cute then, is it? 

Why should children respect authority when the ones in authority are as childish as they are?   We shouldn't expect anything more until our adults act like adults and not big kids.  Kids are unruly, children are a joy.  Kids are loud and disrupt all around them, children are obedient.  Kids run all over the store, children walk calmly with their parents.  Kids tell their parents "No," children don't talk back.  Kids are bullies, children care for others.  Is it wrong to be loud, to laugh hysterically, to run around, and act crazy?  No, there is a time for all of that craziness, but not in public places, not if it will be disruptive, and not if mom and dad has taught them to be obedient.  Do children think of their older siblings as ones in authority?  They should.  If the older children have been taught correctly and are responsible, then younger children should listen to them as well.  If the younger children do not listen to the older siblings, then the older should take them to their parents to correct the situation.  The older children should never be forced to give in to younger siblings.  Parents are encouraging more misbehavior from the younger child and confusion and resentment from the older child.  It is not good.

So, who is at fault?  Parents.  If we are not correcting and encouraging good behavior, then we are encouraging bad behavior.  Sometimes when we are in the middle of something, it is hard to see what others on the outside see.  We, as parents, have difficulty seeing, with our own children, what others see.  Some did not grow up with correctable teaching and therefore, unless taught somewhere, they do not know how to teach their children.  A great example of this is "following through."  Parents are so guilty of NOT following through when laying down "threats."   If you are going to resort to a threat, for example, "If you do not remain seated in this shopping cart, we will have to leave the store," make sure you plan to follow through. It only takes ONE time of not following through for a child to learn that you are not serious, which is also teaching them that you lie, and in turn, teaches them to lie.  Once they know you will not follow through, they will test you, and test you, and will learn to continue to pout, or kick and scream, or stomp, or whatever fit they choose to inflict on you and themselves at the time.  This new, "walk away and let them pitch their fit" only puts the child in control over you as the parent, and God did not intend for that to be the hierarchy of parenting.  If He did, He would have created us differently.

The following are excerpts from Thriving Family.com; Simple Strategies for Effective Discipline, by Dr. Kevin Leman:

"Over the years, I have learned that kids act this way because they've gotten away with it in the past.

It all comes down to who is really in charge of your family. Is it you or your child? Today's parents often don't act like parents. They are so concerned about being their child's friend, about making sure their child is happy and successful, that they fail in their most important role: to be a parent. They snowplow their child's road in life, clearing the path so the child never has to be uncomfortable or go out of her way. Mom and Dad have become mere servants rather than parents who have the child's long-term best interest in mind.

Every child has a predictable strategy. He plays a daily trial-and-error game that's designed to get the best of you. He wins when he gets you to do anything he wants. That means if he tries something, and it works, he'll try it again. But he'll ramp up his efforts a little. Instead of simply crying when he doesn't get his treat, he'll add a little kicking, too. If slamming the door causes you to go trotting after your teenage daughter to hand over the car keys like she wanted, she'll be more dramatic the next time she wants them. Children are masters at manipulation.

B doesn't happen until A is completed. You never have to change this strategy. It works every time with every age. If you've asked your child to do something, and it's not done, you don't go on to the next event — no matter what the event is.

Let's say you've asked your 8-year-old son to mow the lawn, and it's clearly not mowed. Two hours later your son wants to go to the pet store to get the fish you promised him. If your son is 16, he'd probably want to head to his buddy's. But no matter what the activity is, simply say, "We're not going." Then turn your back and walk away.

If your child follows you, don't announce your strategy. It works better if the child has to figure out the situation for himself and asks you for an explanation. It comes down to this: Seeing the changes you want implemented is more about you than it is about your child.

Here's a caveat: When you start applying these techniques, attitudes and behaviors may get worse for a time. Don't panic; it means you're on the right track.

The most important thing is that you use consistent action. You don't embarrass the child on purpose; you correct the behavior. You keep the tennis ball of responsibility in his court, not yours. There is no harassing, no threatening, no warning. There are no put-downs, because if you have the right to put him down, then turnabout is fair play. No one wins in such a situation. Your relationship breaks down. But as you work together on attitude, behavior and character, you can build a relationship that's mutually satisfying."  End of Dr. Leman's quotes.

Moms, don't be like I was; I always knew everything...HA!  I wasn't willing to really listen to "older" moms, ones who had been there, who had already went through the exact same things all moms go through; experienced moms, weathered, tired, but who came through this greatest calling of all time - motherhood, and hear what they had to say.  I do believe I had the greatest parents who shielded us, as best they could, who did not cave in to everything we wanted, but gave us all and more than we needed, and I had them as my greatest example.  We were punished, but loved.  We did survive, we are not worse for the matter, but I believe better for it.  I do believe God laid on my heart, so very strongly, how I should teach and train my children.  Did I do everything right?  Oh, My!  NO!!!  Did I struggle?  YES!!!  I can say though we have very responsible, kind, respectable, hard-working, loving, wanted for work - everywhere, and we are so very, very proud of them.  God has blessed us so much for our hard work and determination in our teaching, training, disciplining and discipling of our 4 wonderful adults.  Trust God, and look to Scripture for His ways of loving and raising children.  Turn your eyes away from the world's ways, and on Jesus.  He will bless you.

Views and interpretations are my own, from what I ascertained God has shown me through my discernment, my observations, what I have gathered through Scripture,  books and authors, and from over 22 years of parenting.


My lovely daughters and I were just talking about this interesting post, when one said, "you beat them when they are little and when they grow up they will be angels," then the other said, "beat the devil out of them and you will get angels."  HA!!!  
Now, I am NOT advocating child abuse, at any level, and some may think a simple spanking as that.  It is NOT.  We are reaping the benefits, of now, the 3rd generation of dwindling punishments and the most disrespectful children of any kind, and it is anything other than benefits.  We reap what we sow.  Rather, seeing the consequences of allowing the child to be in control over the parent, God has, I do believe, as in Romans 1:24-32, "gave them over...gave them over...gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper...disobedient to parents...and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but give hearty approval to those who practice them." 

We can only hope that parents will be who God intended them to be, for mothers and fathers to guide their child's footsteps each step of the way, sometimes with force, but always with love.  God does not leave us alone, but chastens and punishes us when we need it, and only because of the love He has for us.  We show we love our children when we discipline, when we correct, teach and train, when we are the in-control parent, God desires nothing less than our obedience and we should desire nothing less from our children.

Proverbs is full of instruction, and many, many chapters begin with, "My son, give attention to my words...My son, observe the commandment of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother...My son, keep my words."  Heed these words, and 13:24 says,
 "He who withholds his rod (i.e. correction or discipline) hates his son, 
But he who loves him disciplines him diligently."

I know you love your children, but God says if we do not discipline, we hate them.  Correct them, be consistent, be diligent, and show them love, God's love, with patience and the responsibility God has laid before you in the greatest job you will ever have.  Nothing will compare to the love and joy you will have to see your children walking with the Lord.

"Commit your works to the Lord
And your plans will be established."
Prov. 16:3

Always Experiencing Him,
Jody

Happy Mother's Day!!!

God made mothers, beautiful, tired, dependent on Him, with humble hearts, a listening ear, a loving hand, a firm hand, sometimes harsh words, repentant hearts, forgiving hearts, messy days, laundry overflows, and sinks too, dirt on the floors, but a smile as she watches her children. 

God made mothers, and through Him He has redeemed us, and yes, through the mess we are beautiful once again. 

God Made a Mother 

(by Ann Voskamp)

God looking down on the Farmer loving His land and God needed someone to love the least and the little, into real whole people, and He knew that to love is to suffer so God made a mother.

That God had made technicians and programmers and supervisors and salesmen and God had said –

I need someone to get up at midnight and scoop the most fragile of humanity close to her warmth and rock though she can hardly stand and nourish though she’s mostly sleep-starved and change the diaper and the sheets and the leaked on, leaked through, and leaked down clothes though she’ll have to change them in the morning and next week and that won’t change for years.

So God made a Mother.

That God had said I need somebody with a strong heart.

Strong enough for toddler tantrums and teenage testing, yet broken enough to fall on her knees and pray, pray, pray.

Someone who knows that in every hard place is exactly where you extend grace, who looks a hopeful child in the eye and says yes, even though she knows every yes means a mess but this is how you bless, who has the courage to keep letting go because she’s holding on to Me.

So God made a mother.

God said I need somebody who can shape a soul and find shoes on Sunday mornings and get grass stains out of Levis.

And make dinner out of nothing and do it again 79, 678 times, and keep kids off the road and out of the toilet and in clean underwear and mainly alive though she’s mainly losing her mind and will put in an 80 hour week by Wednesday night and just do one more load of laundry.

And one more sink of crusted burnt pots.

And keep on going another eighty hours because raising generations matters and weaving families matters and tying heart strings matters and these people here matter.

So God made a mother…

It had to be somebody who could comb back pigtails and tie up skates just-right tight.

Who could pretend she remembered algebra and how to get home from here and that really, she was just fine, that it must just be the silly onions.

Somebody who would run for the catch, jump on a trampoline and play one fierce game of soccer and not give a thought to all those labors and her weak pelvic floor. Somebody who’d stay up late with a science project that never ends, who’d get up early for the game in the rain, somebody who’d wave at the door until the taillights were out of sight and still be smiling brave.

So God made a mother.

It had to be somebody willing to keep loving when it made no sense because that’s what love does.

Somebody who knew that patience is a willingness to suffer.

That joy is always possible because there is always, always something to be thankful for.

And that life is not an emergency but a gift — so just. slow. down. There are children at play here and we don’t want anyone to get hurt and the hurry makes us hurt.

Somebody willing to feed and lead, lay down her life and pick up her cross, give of her time because they have her heart. Someone who knows that we all blow it — and what matters is what we then do after.

Someone who could humble herself into the tender sorry that covers a multitude of sins.

And who’d bow her head at night over the girl asleep with the doll in the crook of her arm — and thank her Father for this hidden life that’s the turning gear for the whole spinning world.

So God made a mother.

And when the Farmer rolled over in sleep, there was this deep settling in — I could feel it — of not getting out of here, but of the grace that we *get* to be here.

That there was soil to till and numbed, hard places to break up, and there were seeds to be planted in the dark and the hope.

And grace to be cultivated everywhere.

That it was same down every back road and every side street and we aren’t very different, the Farmer and the mother and all-the-faithful-that-God-made-everywhere.

All of us people known to just Farmer on.

(Ann Voskamp)

Happy Mother's Day to my Mother!!!

How are you celebrating your Mother's Day?

What did you do for your mother?

In His Grace,

Jody

Secret to a Successful Marriage

This was the 2nd month at the regular MOPS meeting.  Pull up a chair and learn the secret to a great marriage!

Last month I told you a bit of my life, not something I share all the time, one because I really don’t want to talk about me, and two, I still struggle daily as well.   By sharing with you, I hope to be an encourager in your season of life, and I also hope to become strengthened in giving of myself.

This month I want to talk about something God has shown me and is continuing to grow in me and I am going to call it “the great secret to a glorious marriage.”  Are you ready for it?  No, not yet.  We are going to talk about our marriages today, not gossip, not telling ALL our struggles, not laying it all out there, bare, for all to see, and no, we are not going to talk about our husbands.  Oftentimes that is where our problems rise.  We like to “talk” about our problems, we think that is how to fix them, but in reality it may cause even more problems.  Another reason it is not a good thing to do this is because we as women tend to “feed off one another.”  We can be sharks, just be quiet when you get in a group and listen for a while.  You may be surprised by what you hear.  It only takes one lady to say something about what her husband did or didn’t do, and much of the time others around the table will pipe right in with, “well, let me tell you about what mine did, and can you believe he will not even take out the garbage or help with the kids, or wash the dishes, or take me out, and on and on we go.”  This is more detrimental to your marriage than almost anything else.  I know everyone is not like that, but we must be careful to not get caught up in this.  We ladies must guard our tongues; we must learn to have “a gentle and quiet spirit.” (1 Peter 3:4)  “Let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”  Precious…wow, isn’t that what we want, what we should desire, to have and be precious in His sight?  God’s desire for us is to possess a deep unfading beauty that enhances our outward appearance and He calls us to nurture what is eternal and precious.

(photo credit: theglamlifehousewife.com/2011/10/power-of-tongue.html)

 There is a story about “One Ugly Hillbilly,” "I want to share with you:  A few years back, there was an overweight hillbilly woman who worked in the local store in our hometown.  Every time we went into the hardware store, several men would be standing around the counter talking to her, and they were always laughing.  We usually had to wade through the cheerful crowd and interrupt the gaiety to get served.  Her swarm of admirers reminded me of bees around the honey, buzzing with high interest.  The strange thing was that this woman was ugly, I mean hillbilly ugly, which is worse than regular ugly.  One day as we were leaving the store, I laughingly brought to my husband’s attention all those men standing around talking to the sales clerk.  His reply really surprised me, “O, you mean that cute little lady?”  Live and learn!  And apparently I really had something important to learn.  In his mind that lady was cute!  The truth is, she was not little, she was not cute, and she was not young.  But she did smile, laugh, and giggle, and she was always ready for a good clean joke.  I loved being in the store talking to her as much as the men did.  She was delightful.  A few weeks later, we saw her in the grocery store.  She was mad at her very obese daughter for grabbing a handful of candy.  Gone were the smiles, giggles, and radiance that had so captivated everyone at the hardware store.  In their place was a bitter, ugly snarl.  My husband remarked when we left the grocery store, “Haven’t we seen that woman somewhere before?”  She looks familiar, but I just can’t place her.”  When I told him who she was, he was stunned.  “No, it’s not possible; it just can’t be her.  The woman in the hardware store does not look like that.”  I could see the truth dawn on him, and he was so disappointed.  The funny thing was that the woman looked just like she always did.  She was the same size, same scraggly hairstyle, the same clothes style, the same everything she was when we saw her in the hardware store.  All she lacked was her glorious smile.  It was her most valuable asset.   Her face was always so radiant, her smile so infectious, her laughter so sweet, and her eyes so earnest that people simply saw her as cute.  I don’t know if she had a husband, but I am sure she could have had a dozen different men in that small town-as long as they never saw her in the grocery store, mad at her daughter. 

Everyone is drawn to a smile and wants to be a friend to someone overflowing with goodwill.  Men are highly attracted to smiles.  That includes your husband.  Do you want your husband to stay home more?  A merry heart and a mischievous giggle are good drawing cards.  “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.”  Prov. 17:22 You may not be an ugly hillbilly, but there are other kinds of ugly.  Women spend billions of dollars every year to make themselves more attractive, but the most effective beauty aid is free-a joyful smile."  (Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl)  (Some will love this book, others will hate it, it's ok, but I have had several people tell me how it has saved their marriages.  I did like it.  You can take what will help you and make your marriage better.)

You have seen this in and around you, people who smile and are friendly are much more likable and lovable.  I have to admit I am NOT a good smiler, and I have to work hard to smile.  I like to laugh and have a good time but I am a more serious person, and if someone tells me to smile for a picture, oh, good gracious, it just does not work well.  The outcome is not good, my mother and I have the same issues when it comes to smiling and pictures but, right now we are talking about our husbands :).  Ask yourself, do you smile at him, do you give him a mischievous grin, do you laugh with him, and do you look across the sofa or the room with a wink and a smile?  One challenge I am giving you today is when your husband gets home smile at him.

(photo credit: pinterest)

Now I know you have little ones all around, but remember you are training those children God has given you.  Your job is to teach them everything.  So, when you smile or don’t smile you are teaching them how to respond to their father.  Now, we are finally getting to the real secret to a good, yes, even a great marriage and that is, are you ready?  RESPECT.  Respect, what is it and what does it have to with our marriages, and what does it have to do with our children? 

Respect is a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something; to honor or esteem; to show consideration for.  I told you before that I cannot separate why I do anything from God’s Word.  If I did not have that plumb line to go by I would not be speaking to you now, because then anything goes.  The absolute truth I have comes from hearing God speak to me through prayer, and through His Word.  So first, I want to encourage you if you do not have a real guide to why you do what you do, I encourage you to find that, to seek out the One who has all the answers and when you do, the blessings that flow are simply amazing!  Again, I was not told how to have a great marriage, and if I had been, knowing me then, I wouldn’t have listened, or at least not well.  I thought I knew it all, boy was I wrong!   I did not have anyone telling me the “secret” to a happy marriage.  I had great examples in my parents and grandparents, but the rest I had to wait for God to teach me, and He did, through some really tough times.  My desire is to help and encourage you on this path, so you will not have to go through as much as I did.

In Eph. 5:33 God’s Word says, “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”  We are going to skip the first part of that verse because that is not us, we are wives and who is the only person we can change?  Yes, ourselves.  Go ahead and learn now, just say it, you cannot and will not be able to change your husband.  The only One who can do that is God, through the work of His Holy Spirit.  So, part B of that verse says, “and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”  Ladies, there are no ifs, ands, or buts, in that verse.  It does not say to respect your husband IF he takes out the garbage, or IF he washes the dishes, or IF he takes the kids away so you can have some ME time.  It says MUST.  We MUST respect our husbands.  Whether or not our husbands obey the Word, our responsibilities do not change.  We are required to obey God by submitting to our own husbands.  (1 pet. 3:1-2) This makes us free to love our husbands and family without expectation.   Ladies, I can genuinely say, when you begin to do this, God may change your husband, or begin to.  There is a vicious cycle going on in our marriages, and it is, “if he would love me like I want or like I need, then I could respect him,” and he says, “If she would respect me then I could love her.”  We can put a stop to this cycle if you are willing to try.  Respect is at the top of what our husbands need, yes, along with sex, but that is for another time.  Your husband needs to know you respect him, you care for him, you love him, and when you do this, God is allowed to do mighty things in your marriage, and do you know why?  Because you allowed Him to work in your life and change you, that is the only person we can ever change, ourselves.  I do understand there are extenuating circumstances, but even then, He calls us to respect, NO matter what.  Now, of course, if he is doing anything illegal you absolutely do not participate in that, you go get help from the law or whomever, but Scripture is clear on what our actions are to be.  Honor and esteem him, show consideration for and have a deep admiration for him.  It may take time, but begin now, today when he comes home.  Don’t tell him what you are doing, just do it!  And wait…

Now, what does this have to do with you as a mother and your children?  It will determine if your children respect their father, and in turn, respect anyone in authority over them.  How you treat, react, and speak, teaches those little ones to do the same.  Your tone says A L O T.  Your eyes say a lot.  Sometimes our tones can say more than our words or actions ever could.  We need to guard our tongues; we need to strive for that imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious.  If you want your little boys and your little girls to respect their daddy, you MUST respect their daddy.  If he is not the man you wish he was, he doesn’t help like you want him to, maybe he is arrogant, prideful, and even hateful or mean, but I truly believe this because I believe Scripture, it STILL is your job to make sure they respect their father.  They will grow up and eventually they will know he is not perfect, and maybe even really bad, but when they grow up respecting him as you have taught, when they finally do realize who he really is, they will have a much greater respect for you as their mother, and in the end will be able to have a greater respect in all relationships.  Can you see how our respect for our husbands will set the tone for our children to have respect for others? 

So, I am going to challenge you today to go home and if you are not already respecting your husband, by honoring or esteeming him, please do so, show him some consideration and do it this week, no, do it this month, yes the entire month and I want to hear from you next month on what has transpired.  I know one person who it will change for certain, because it has already happened to me.  Ask how his day went, when you need to call for something tell him you love him, tell him “thank you for providing for our family.”  Tell him how much you are grateful for.  Now, if this is something new, don’t do it all at once, you don’t want to overwhelm him, it could wear off for YOU too fast.  Don’t let that be the case, but really focus on how to show him that you do love him and that you respect who he is and what he does.  Think back to before you were married or the 1^st few years when you were head over heels and find something, anything, that you loved and tell him.  I promise it is good, it is very good. 

Ok, I feel like you are looking at me and thinking, I am way too tired to even think about how I can respect him much less show him.   I know, I really have been there, and no, I did not know this then, and yes, I have a wonderful man who is Mr. Steady, who when I was Mrs. Mean, he would do anything to keep me happy.  He is a servant, he will DO for me, that is not what I have always needed, but it is how he loves me.  I do understand that many of you may not have that, and I want to challenge you in desiring to obey God’s Word NO matter what.  Make this a priority, read a verse or 2 holding your baby, while you are nursing, when you are getting another book to read to your toddler AGAIN, read His Word to them and then read the book.  When you are playing cars, or baby dolls, the kitchen, or Legos, tell them how much you love their daddy, and tell them how much he does for them and that he loves them.  You, dear mother, have such power over your children which you have been entrusted with and you need to learn to use that power to further His Kingdom, to teach and to train them to be responsible, respectable children and in turn they will be, or grow up to be, responsible and respectable young ladies and young men.

I have 2 more challenges and I am going to make this as short as I can.  I want you along with finding ways to respect your husband; I want to challenge you to pray for your husband.  I want you to find something throughout your day that will remind you of your husband, and when it does, say a prayer for him.  I heard a story of a man who worked for a bucket truck company and the wife would use that as her reminder.  Whenever she and the children were driving and they saw a bucket truck she would say, “there’s a truck, who wants to pray for daddy?”  Not only did this remind her to pray for her husband, but it also taught her children to pray for their father.  Most of us have a wedding ring we wear; use that as a reminder.  Whenever you twirl it, or see it or get it caught on something, say a prayer for the man you married.  It may only be a sentence but prayer is so powerful.  James 5:16 says,” The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.”  Make sure your life is clean and pure before your Heavenly Father as well, because it is the prayers of a righteous man that can accomplish much.  That does not mean you are perfect, we can never be, but if we are holding on to known sins, unconfessed sins, our prayer life can be hindered.  Pray for forgiveness first, then for his safety, for leadership in his life, for the Holy Spirit to work, for temptations he may face (our men work with other women remember, he needs prayer), for his fears, for his health, for his trials, for his integrity, for a safe trip home.  If you don’t pray for him – who will?

My last challenge to you today is to be grateful for your husband.  I hope to expand more on this next month, but as you are learning to respect your husband, to listen to him, asking him about his day, washing his clothes, fixing dinner, say a thank you to him and for him.  We may have hurt feelings, and we may simply be mad at him because he doesn’t help out much.  I will tell you, he probably never will until you can give him the respect he desires, he needs, and God commands.  Your children will never learn to respect you, their father, or other adults until they see you exhibiting respect to the one person in your life and in theirs who so desperately needs it. 

My final comments and challenges, don’t be an ugly hillbilly woman, smile, and smile often, it says a lot; think about a gentle and quiet spirit, not obnoxious and overbearing; respect your husband, in ALL he does, do what he asks, and let your children see that, I promise you will be amazed; pray for the man you married, and be thankful, be ever grateful for all he DOES do.  Do not focus on the negative, let your children see your love and include them as you learn how to make your family one who focuses on the things of God and not the things of this world.

(photo credit: pinterest)

How do you show respect, love and gratitude to your husband?  Do your children see you?  Send me a comment and let me know, I'd love to hear your responses!

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Always Experiencing Him,

Jody

Mentoring

I have been asked to be the MOPS mentor for a group in our area and I want to share with you the encouragement I am striving to impart to these ladies.  I pray it will encourage you where you are.  I know everyone who reads this are not mothers, and I want your encouragement to be, that you have a part in some young mothers' life and encourage and lift them up, or if you aren't a mother yet, and you may be someday, know this is a God-ordained gift.  Be encouraged!

Hello ladies, Moms of Preschoolers, I want you to know what an honor it is to just be considered to be your new mentor, let alone asked to take this position.  My desire is to encourage you in this season of your life.  You have been given a gift, the ultimate and most important job in the entire world and I want to help you see that, and learn to enjoy it, through all the busyness and hustle and bustle this world will offer you, I want you to see the importance of your position at this time.  I pray I will be an encourager and able to lift you up during this exciting adventure you are on.   I am so unworthy of this calling, and the more you get to know me, the more you will see this to be true.  I am a mother just like you, one who has struggled through raising my own children, but I did not have the encouragement (other than great examples from my mother and grandmother) I desire to give you at this time.  I want you to draw from my experiences and know this is a good and perfect work you are doing.  

I was in MOPS when my children were little, and I remember going to meetings, eating, listening, learning about different topics, making a craft, but I really don’t remember leaving with the encouragement to go on, to be told that a mother has the single most honorable position a lady can hold, to be told what I was doing was a “good” thing, to be proud of motherhood, to love my husband, to love my children, and that is what I want to impart to you.  What you are doing now, with those little ones of yours, and even if some of your children are older, I want you to know that this is important, and it will NOT last forever, although right now, I know you think it will.

You have the best job in this world and you are raising children who will one day raise their own children, and you have the opportunity to shape them into respectable, dependable young adults, ladies and gentlemen, and we will be discussing over this next year how to do that and know that it is good.

We will be discussing topics such as, consistency, making brothers and sisters best friends, oh the joys, disciplining with love, but with a firm hand, I promise there is a balance, we will talk about our marriage to our husbands and how that has such a great impact on teaching respect to our children, sarcasm and teasing, and the effects these have on all those around.   Another topic will be taking care of ourselves during this time and how important it is; we will discuss modesty and how it is a matter of the heart and who are we really trying to impress, and what power our clothes hold, hmmmm.  It is good, I promise.  You will also hear about the different seasons of our lives and how none of them last forever, but they are all good, in their own time and place. 

Now, that I have told you what you will be hearing over the coming year, I would like to tell you my experiences and where I am at this point in my life.  So,” let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start.”  Not really, that would take way too long. (OK, side note, I had included some phrases to songs within my speech and whoever guessed won a prize, so if you catch a phrase, that is why.)

I am 42 years old, but with some health problems, I feel much, much older, but that is for “another time and another place.”  (You will learn I and my family LOVE music-all, almost all genres)     Ok, for my biography, or part of it… I married the man of my dreams, my childhood sweetheart, the only man I dated, and I was the only girl he had ever dated, when I was 18, and he was 26, eight years older than I.  I graduated high school in May, and had a wedding in June.  Whew!  He was such a man of character that no one ever questioned our age difference.  We had a wonderful, God-centered wedding and began our journey of life together.  We have been married 24 years this past June.  Next year will be our Silver Anniversary!  I do feel old.  Now, this is not to say we haven’t had our struggles, we have, but we have looked to God to help lead us along the journey, and journeys are rough aren’t they, they’re an adventure, and I believe every marriage and family is an adventure, but it is good when our Tour Guide knows the way, we only need to have the right Guide.

Continuing on, I went to our community college for a year, began the second year, but for many different reasons did not finish, college was NOT for me, learning is always good, college wasn’t… for me.  I came home, having moved only three miles down the road after we married, and sometime later began working at the Farmers Co-Op in the office.  It was a good experience.  My dad had worked there yeeeaaarrrs before and living on the farm we already knew practically everyone including the manager, so it was good.  I was still young, and they protected me like I was their little girl, it actually was kind of funny.  It was also a bad time, because, later on Steve and I went through probably the most difficult time of our marriage, but we pressed on, listened to our Guide, and got back on the right path.  I am telling you this because I want you to know that I am NOT perfect, what we have, who we are, who our children are, did NOT just happen, everything has been intentional, learning as we went, but I will say GOD has been our guide, and has led us in ANYTHING we know, or in doing anything we did, and He still leads.  I would not have it any other way, because life just stinks sometimes, and when you don’t have a leader, you just flounder around like a fish out of water, and you know what happens to a fish out of water?  Yes, it dies.  We didn’t want to die, so we listened to our God, and we began on our journey…together…again.  Yes, you can start over, fresh, new, it’s amazing.

Four years after our marriage we began our family.  We had four children within the next three and a half years.  Sarah was our first and what a joy!  She made ME a mother, a MOM, WOW! That was new.  She was great, and the only easy, normal pregnancy, slept all night, simply perfect.  When Sarah was nine months old I found out I was pregnant with twins.  Wow! Never, never expected that one coming, it had never entered our minds that twins were even a possibility, but what excitement it brought to all our family and friends.  Although, knowing Sarah would only be 16 months old when they were born didn’t mean much to us, we really had NO idea what was coming.  I was in the hospital for an entire month before the twins were born, on bed rest, just sleeping and eating.  (I’m sure God was giving me rest He knew I would need soon).  Sarah stayed between my parents and home with Steve when he wasn’t with me, and then they would bring her to UT to visit off and on; that was hard, probably harder on her than we knew, but she was great.  The twins were born four weeks early, but that was normal.  Jenny and Julia stayed in NICU for a week, which was the hardest week I had ever had.  I could not breastfeed them, oh I tried, every single time we drove to see them, I tried, but they had given them bottles, so I just cried at every visit.  I pumped, but it wasn’t the same.  I knew if we could just get them home we would be fine, and you know what, we were.  They were great, took to nursing like they never had a bottle.  Joy!  Now, sleep, well, that was another story.  It took us one entire hour to feed, burp, change, feed, burp, change, feed the other side, burp, and change, feed the other side, burp, change, and they only slept an hour and were up again.  To be honest I’m not sure how long that went on, but surely just a week or so, I have no idea.  My dear hubby did everything while I fed them, so I know with work he was even more tired than me, but he has always been the most generous helper, yes, I know, so lucky and fortunate.  God knew who I needed.

Two and a half years later in the 7^th month of my last pregnancy I contracted viral meningitis, which was scary, to say the least, because our hospital had never had a pregnant woman with meningitis, that was comforting, so I was quarantined for a week, undergoing spinal taps.  After Jamin was born, he had to be taken to children’s hospital and stayed there for a week before we could take him home.  I was still at Parkwest; another devastating blow.  I couldn’t even hold my new baby, our only son.  We made trips to Knoxville again, until we finally had all four children home, safe and sound, and then real life began.  Wow!   

Through this entire process we trusted God and leaned on Him.  Each of our children was perfect in every way, and they still are.  They are such a blessing to us, I cannot describe how much I love each of my young adults, which they are now, and enjoy watching and listening to them on a daily basis. They are 20, 18, 18, and 16.  We home educated them for most of their lives and the girls have all graduated, and now are taking the avenue of staying home, preparing to be a help meet some day.  They have begun a knitting business selling their homemade items. (They have an Etsy shop you can look at) As the Proverbs 31 woman says, “she looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight.”   They are artists, and musicians, and call their group “Undivided,” and have sung at different churches.  They can farm, mechanic, help wire houses, cook, clean, care for a home, study, and help their younger brother as he finishes his senior year.  The girls are encouraging to their brother, truly wonderful.   It is such a joy; I only wish I had people that truly desired to teach me from an older woman to a younger woman, or someone who had been there before and had a desire to tell me that what I had was virtuous, and that the pressures and the “good” things of this world and our culture are NOT what matters.  I believe it would have made my years in depression and hardship and heartache something different.  I know it is what God had me go through to get me where I am now and so I can tell you from experience that it is hard.  It is hard.  But, it is good and it is God’s plan where you are right now.  

Don’t listen to those around that want to have you do this or do that, be busy here, or busy there, please, take this wonderful, God given gift as something joyful and make your mothering your priority, your number one thing, and embrace it, love your children, laugh with them, hold them, sit with them, read with them.  Forget what our world says is important and make your children your focus, because believe me they will be grown before you can turn around.  I know, and I am so very proud of my family, but it makes me so sad to see what I missed, what I wasn’t told, oh if I could go back and really enjoy my children when they were little.  We had good times, but deep down I dealt with some very difficult issues and I will have to wait and see if God allows me to tell you things that has not been said before that I have overcome, but  oh if I could go back.  Smile at them, with them, pull them in your laps and don’t stop hugging on them. 

Since our first child was born God has been working on my heart, especially as a mother, drawing me to His will and to the highest calling He can bestow upon a woman.  I accepted it early on, and even though there have been struggles, I have tried to listen and obey His will for me and my family's life.  I will discuss some of these struggles and expand on where God has been leading and is still leading me in my daily walk with Him.  I really cannot separate where I’ve been and where I’m going from God and His will because He is why I do or have done anything.  If it wasn’t for Him, I really would not have the desire for my children to grow up as they have, and I am so thankful He has spoken to me through the years and is still leading me to a place of quiet rest.  It is a wonderful place to be, and even though I fail Him often, I strive to obey His commands and His will for me, to have that relationship with the Holy God, the One who saves, and the One who commands obedience to His Word.

Our desire as a family has been to glorify God, live for Him, obey what He asks of us and I will say, His blessings have overflowed in every area of our lives.  God's grace, as we were willing to listen and obey, has carried us into a relationship with Him and with each other, we never would have had otherwise.

In closing, my prayer is to lift you up before my Father, to encourage you in this most precious time of your life.  You have been given a most honorable task, and I ask that you accept what you have been given, embrace it, cherish it, and in my most humbling undertaking I pray that in some small way I will be able to offer you something I only saw from a few, and that is a compassion and a devotion to your family.  We may need to re-evaluate our lives to give of our best to God and to our family, but let’s do it.  There are lots of "good" things we may do, but let us give God and our family the "best."  There will be other seasons in our lives to do the "good" things, and then at that time, it may be the "best".  I am looking forward to this journey together.  I hope you are.

Now, take a little time, wherever that may be, with a little one on your lap, in the bathroom, or during naptime and, "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him."  Psalms 37:7a

What are you doing to enjoy and love on your family?  I'd love to hear!

Always Experiencing Him,

Jody

Consistency

Consistency in Parenting

Just as a hay baler scoops up the windrows of hay and forms and molds them to either square or round bales, then turns them out consistently in the field, one right after another, we must be consistent in the training of our precious ones God has left in our care.

Consistency.  We need the right consistency for our bread to bake properly, cake icing needs beaten til the perfect consistency, we need consistency from the sun and the rain for our gardens to produce the greatest amount of produce, and we must have consistency in the training up of our children.

Will we be consistent 100% of the time?  No, because we ourselves are fallen creatures, sinners saved by the grace of Jesus Christ, our Lord, but we must strive towards this end.

There are many consequences for our inconsistency, whether we are too lazy, or we want to be more of our children's friends than their parents, or we simply find it too difficult.  Let's look at some ways where not being balanced and consistent can set us up for failure.  Yes, God gives grace, and oftimes when we do something the wrong way, He covers us and we are still blessed, and other times we see the consequences of what we should have done different to prevent bad behavior.  That is what we will see here in the next few paragraphs.

Parents too often allow only one to be the disciplinarian while the other may not have or want any part of this process.  Sometimes the mother will simply not allow the father to have a part in the discipline process, and in this way they are setting their sons and daughters up for failure because one, they will not have any respect for male authority, beginning with their father, and subsequently, will disregard others in authority over them.  This is wrong on another level because the husband and father is to be the prophet, priest, protector and provider.  When he is not allowed to be the things God has called him to, the family will suffer.  Now mothers, if you are married to a "Mr. Command" man, and he has said he is to be the only disciplinarian, then you must adhere to his desires, because God has placed you under his authority, but problems arise from this as well, because the children will grow up not respecting the mother as they should and thus treating their spouses in ways not pleasing to the Lord.  The father can command the children to respect the mother but it will be from a demand rather than a desire to please and respect.  Consistency and balance in all things is God's plan for us as parents; it is how He loves and guides us.  We must follow Him.

Sometimes we have the wrong consistency, and just like a loaf of bread, a cake, or icing which will not turn out without the right consistency, we can train our children to dishonor and disrespect those they come in contact with.  How many times has your child been disobedient and we say, "if you do that again, you will get in trouble," only to say it 10 more times before you actually dole out some sort of punishment, if any at all?  Other times we say, " don't make me count to three," and only then we may follow through, and still others simply never do what they say.  The lesson you have just taught your child is to lie, because you said you would do something and then did not do it.  In Elisabeth Elliot's book, Let Me Be a woman, she speaks of this.  Now, we would never intentionally teach our children to lie, and we would always tell them lying is wrong, and it is a sin to lie, yet every time we say the above, that is exactly what we have done.  Our children need to learn to obey, all the way, right away, and with a joyful heart.  When we consistently allow our children to wait until we count to three to do something we are teaching them "delayed obedience," as Voddie Baucham, in Family Driven Faith calls it, and that is disobedience, whichever way you look at it.  The earlier you begin to teach your children to obey, the easier it will be when they get 5, 10, or 15 years old.  When you wait until they are one of these ages to begin teaching obedience, more often than not you have already lost them.

Consistency can work to the good or to the bad, and as parents we must look to God's Word, our training manual for life, and specifically in this area of raising our children.  Proverbs is absolutely filled with how to train our children.  Remember, parents are to take this responsibility and train their children; it is not the primary job of others they come in contact with.  Others should be able to see the benefits of raising our children for Christ by how they obey those in authority over them, how they are willing to help, to serve, in being kind, and not manipulative in any way.  Seeing children this way, we know parents have been balanced and consistent in training their future young men and young ladies.

I am not saying this is totally foolproof, because we are all sinners and eventually our young ones must answer for themselves, but I would say, and this is my opinion, that 9 times out of 10, we will have loving, kind, respectful, obedient children.  There are many other reasons why our "training" may not be effective, and I will not go into detail, but some are when mothers are not with their children, when we do not have a "gentle and meek spirit," when we let others do more of the training than we do, or we hardly ever say "no" to anything, whether it is giving them everything they want, or never withholding anything, then there will be consequences for these actions we as parents have allowed.  These consequences will also be felt in the future generations to come, as Exodus 20:5-6 points out.  Verse 6 though, gives us hope, where it says, "but showing loving kindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments."  Consequences for disobedience and loving kindness for keeping His commandments!  God is good, but He is also a just God.  He desires and expects our best, and we should not give Him less.  We must search His Word for our instructions and obey all the way, right away, and with a joyful heart, and consistently teach our children the same.  The rewards are abundant and glorious!  Young adults who love His Word and His ways are a gift and a blessing of our diligence and consistent obedience to the One who died for and saved us from our sins.  What amazing love!  

I had been planning this post for some time and when I was getting ready to finish it, I received a great post from Joy at gracefullmama.com.  She deals alot with grace parenting, and this is something no one taught me while raising my children.  I did use Scripture in teaching and training, and explained why we do or do not do something, but not to the extent they teach, and sometimes, though, we simply must obey.  Read her wonderful words at the link above and be encouraged.  

I continued in prayer and waited for God to give me the rest of the words He wanted me to say, and then soon after, Joy wrote another glorious post on being inconsistent, which is something I have been on my blog for the past few weeks.  There are going to be many times I am inconsistent in blogging because my family will come first.  I appreciate you who read and I pray a post will bless you or maybe give you insight into our Great God you may not have had before.  I love and pray for each of you whose desire is to follow Him in all things and raise your children in the way God would have us to.  Since I am presently on the other side, and am now an "older" woman, I pray my words will be an encouragement to each and every one of you.

Always love, love, love as you discipline your children, God disciplines us because He loves us, we do the same with our children.  So, let all you do be done in and through love, for them and for God.

Learning, loving and serving together in Christ, because He first loved us.

Always Experiencing Him,

Jody