Never Say Never!

I have certainly learned a few lessons over the years as a mom, like this one in particular...NEVER SAY NEVER!!!

"No one will have a motorcycle as long as they are still living in our house!"  Yeah, right!  Then, you have this very responsible son who pays for everything himself, has a job, goes to a tech school, makes all arrangements for it to be paid beforehand, (he has not had to pay a cent), pays for his truck BY HIMSELF, and decides to buy a motorcycle!  He researches everything, reviews everything, so how can you say no?  Well, we couldn't.  He is extremely cautious; he didn't get that from his mother!  :) He is almost too cautious, but gets his license after practicing and riding around close to home for a couple weeks, and talking with a cousin who helped him learn a few things.  

So, yes, we have a motorcycle.  He is 19, 18 when he bought it, and rides when he can, and especially when the weather is lovely. 

He rode to the moutains and sent some lovely pics from the overlooks.  He has enjoyed himself, and rides to school and work when the weather is nice, which is much more often these days.  

Julia had been wanting a ride, so he borrowed a helmet and took her.  He still won't take his mom yet though!  I believe she really enjoyed it!  They had a good time!  I just love anytime brothers and sisters enjoy each other, and here, that is most all the time.  Love it, so blessed!

So, mothers, never say never, because God may just teach you a lesson in one way or another!  One lesson from a seasoned mother.

Enjoy this blessed day, tell your children you love them, and get out in this lovely sunshine today!

Always Experiencing Him,
Jody

Where Are the Respectful Children?

Why do we decide to have children?  Do we want them?  Is it a social stigma that we aren't complete unless we have children?  Why do we decide on 2, or 4, or 20 children?  Is it our right to decide?  When we have children, are we willing to accept the responsibility?  The responsibility to raise them, to teach and train and guide them, throughout their growing up years?  And, beyond?  Or, are we going to pass that responsibility off to everyone else to raise them for us?  Day-cares, preschools, schools, friends, grandparents.  We don't mind having babies, we say we love being pregnant, we love cuddly babies, "they are so cute," but then we get tired, and decide we did want that career, or we sure did like the peace and quite before kids, so it's much easier to hand them over to others to do our job.  Compare the hours you are actually with, engaging with your children, to the time they are with others or asleep, because they aren't really trouble when they are asleep, for the most part.

We have heard a lot in past years regarding the scripture in Genesis 1 verse 28; "Be fruitful and multiply."  What exactly does that mean?  Does this mean we are to have as many children as humanly possible?  I believe when God spoke those words to Adam and Eve that was His intention, because they had the job of filling this world He had made.  Also to Noah and his family, because they had the same job as Adam and Eve had, to fill the earth.  However, I also believe God knew Adam and Eve would fall from His grace, they would fail in being obedient to His words, to His commands, and God had not, as yet, given all His commands.  We, however, have God's entire Word to look at, His laws, commands, His truths to a prosperous and blessed world.   Unless we look at His entire Word, to ALL the principles He has given us, we will fail.  To have lots of children is a good thing, but until we apply that ONE principle to the many, many principles of how to raise those children, then we will have failed to fulfill His purpose for those children in this world, to raise them up for the glory of the Lord.

If children are rude and disrespectful, we must ask, "Why?"  Because the mother and the father have taught them to be that way.  Unintentionally, as it may be, but they taught it.  You may strongly disagree, but let's go further and see if you might change your mind.  If I have not taught my child to behave at home, in and around family, then they will misbehave elsewhere.  If I have not taught my child to mind me when I tell or ask them to do something, then I have taught them that it is OK to disregard my requests.  Do you see where I am going now?  If we have not taught them to do what is right, then we have taught them to do what is wrong.  If we are not encouraging good behavior, through discipline and punishment and consequences, then we are encouraging them to misbehave, to continue to "push the buttons," to continue to, "see if mom or dad really means what they say."  And they will, and it works.  Parents, if your child tells you "No," then you have not been the parent God intended you to be.  You are not, "training a child in the way he should go."  Yes, you are training him, training him to tell adults no, training him to not obey when asked to do something, training him to be disrespectful, to talk back, to be, what was once called, a smart-aleck.  Now, I know that term is not used anymore, but we have some very smart-alecky kids around.  At the same time, we have smart-alecky adults who have taught them to be that way.  

I have gone round and round and round this issue, and have not wanted to write more on parenting, (there are other posts here and here), but God just keeps on putting this on my heart, till I simply canNOT get away from it.  I have thought about the "new" ways of parenting circulating from everywhere, and I have seen the implementation of this, the "grace parenting," the "always be positive mode," the "use only Scripture to teach," and then I look around and see the children of our day being more disrespectful than any generation I have heard of and seen, more selfish, and rude, and lazy, I believe we can honestly say, "It is not working."  I do believe ALL of those work together to make the principles God laid out for us as parents, but none, alone, works.

When have you seen a child, who is asked to do something, automatically do it when asked?  The first time, all the time, and with a joyful heart?  Now, I know, all the time and with a joyful heart may come and go, but with instruction and teaching and training, and LOVE, it can happen, and someday, your teenagers will be a JOY to be around and not a burden as so many believe, and so many are, you see them everywhere you go. 

What does it take to have respectful children?  It first takes respectful adults.   We have 20, 30, 40, and even 50 year old kids these days.  This is very sad.  No wonder the children we see are selfish, immature, disrespectful, rude, and what once was called "bratty."  Take a look around and listen, listen closely, anywhere you are, to the adults.  See and hear how they interact with cashiers, waiters, waitresses, people standing in line in front of them, and especially when they talk to their children and adults who are with them.  We have a couple of the rudest generations around, and I believe it comes from not wanting to be a "mean" mommy or daddy.  We are paying  the price of a world of narcissistic and entitled people because we have not wanted to wield--are you ready for it?--Discipline.  Yes, we feel so bad when we must discipline our children.  We want our children to be happy, to do what they want, to just go and have fun, to not have to be responsible until they "have " to as adults.  The problem is, when they do not grow up being taught how to be responsible, respectful, nice, kind, quiet, polite, then they will NOT, all of a sudden, decide, "Oh, now it's time to be a grown up," and at once have all of those good characteristics.  They must be taught, from early, early on.  If a three year old talks back to his mother or father, then he will talk back when he's 15.  Guess what?  It isn't so cute then, is it? 

Why should children respect authority when the ones in authority are as childish as they are?   We shouldn't expect anything more until our adults act like adults and not big kids.  Kids are unruly, children are a joy.  Kids are loud and disrupt all around them, children are obedient.  Kids run all over the store, children walk calmly with their parents.  Kids tell their parents "No," children don't talk back.  Kids are bullies, children care for others.  Is it wrong to be loud, to laugh hysterically, to run around, and act crazy?  No, there is a time for all of that craziness, but not in public places, not if it will be disruptive, and not if mom and dad has taught them to be obedient.  Do children think of their older siblings as ones in authority?  They should.  If the older children have been taught correctly and are responsible, then younger children should listen to them as well.  If the younger children do not listen to the older siblings, then the older should take them to their parents to correct the situation.  The older children should never be forced to give in to younger siblings.  Parents are encouraging more misbehavior from the younger child and confusion and resentment from the older child.  It is not good.

So, who is at fault?  Parents.  If we are not correcting and encouraging good behavior, then we are encouraging bad behavior.  Sometimes when we are in the middle of something, it is hard to see what others on the outside see.  We, as parents, have difficulty seeing, with our own children, what others see.  Some did not grow up with correctable teaching and therefore, unless taught somewhere, they do not know how to teach their children.  A great example of this is "following through."  Parents are so guilty of NOT following through when laying down "threats."   If you are going to resort to a threat, for example, "If you do not remain seated in this shopping cart, we will have to leave the store," make sure you plan to follow through. It only takes ONE time of not following through for a child to learn that you are not serious, which is also teaching them that you lie, and in turn, teaches them to lie.  Once they know you will not follow through, they will test you, and test you, and will learn to continue to pout, or kick and scream, or stomp, or whatever fit they choose to inflict on you and themselves at the time.  This new, "walk away and let them pitch their fit" only puts the child in control over you as the parent, and God did not intend for that to be the hierarchy of parenting.  If He did, He would have created us differently.

The following are excerpts from Thriving Family.com; Simple Strategies for Effective Discipline, by Dr. Kevin Leman:

"Over the years, I have learned that kids act this way because they've gotten away with it in the past.

It all comes down to who is really in charge of your family. Is it you or your child? Today's parents often don't act like parents. They are so concerned about being their child's friend, about making sure their child is happy and successful, that they fail in their most important role: to be a parent. They snowplow their child's road in life, clearing the path so the child never has to be uncomfortable or go out of her way. Mom and Dad have become mere servants rather than parents who have the child's long-term best interest in mind.

Every child has a predictable strategy. He plays a daily trial-and-error game that's designed to get the best of you. He wins when he gets you to do anything he wants. That means if he tries something, and it works, he'll try it again. But he'll ramp up his efforts a little. Instead of simply crying when he doesn't get his treat, he'll add a little kicking, too. If slamming the door causes you to go trotting after your teenage daughter to hand over the car keys like she wanted, she'll be more dramatic the next time she wants them. Children are masters at manipulation.

B doesn't happen until A is completed. You never have to change this strategy. It works every time with every age. If you've asked your child to do something, and it's not done, you don't go on to the next event — no matter what the event is.

Let's say you've asked your 8-year-old son to mow the lawn, and it's clearly not mowed. Two hours later your son wants to go to the pet store to get the fish you promised him. If your son is 16, he'd probably want to head to his buddy's. But no matter what the activity is, simply say, "We're not going." Then turn your back and walk away.

If your child follows you, don't announce your strategy. It works better if the child has to figure out the situation for himself and asks you for an explanation. It comes down to this: Seeing the changes you want implemented is more about you than it is about your child.

Here's a caveat: When you start applying these techniques, attitudes and behaviors may get worse for a time. Don't panic; it means you're on the right track.

The most important thing is that you use consistent action. You don't embarrass the child on purpose; you correct the behavior. You keep the tennis ball of responsibility in his court, not yours. There is no harassing, no threatening, no warning. There are no put-downs, because if you have the right to put him down, then turnabout is fair play. No one wins in such a situation. Your relationship breaks down. But as you work together on attitude, behavior and character, you can build a relationship that's mutually satisfying."  End of Dr. Leman's quotes.

Moms, don't be like I was; I always knew everything...HA!  I wasn't willing to really listen to "older" moms, ones who had been there, who had already went through the exact same things all moms go through; experienced moms, weathered, tired, but who came through this greatest calling of all time - motherhood, and hear what they had to say.  I do believe I had the greatest parents who shielded us, as best they could, who did not cave in to everything we wanted, but gave us all and more than we needed, and I had them as my greatest example.  We were punished, but loved.  We did survive, we are not worse for the matter, but I believe better for it.  I do believe God laid on my heart, so very strongly, how I should teach and train my children.  Did I do everything right?  Oh, My!  NO!!!  Did I struggle?  YES!!!  I can say though we have very responsible, kind, respectable, hard-working, loving, wanted for work - everywhere, and we are so very, very proud of them.  God has blessed us so much for our hard work and determination in our teaching, training, disciplining and discipling of our 4 wonderful adults.  Trust God, and look to Scripture for His ways of loving and raising children.  Turn your eyes away from the world's ways, and on Jesus.  He will bless you.

Views and interpretations are my own, from what I ascertained God has shown me through my discernment, my observations, what I have gathered through Scripture,  books and authors, and from over 22 years of parenting.


My lovely daughters and I were just talking about this interesting post, when one said, "you beat them when they are little and when they grow up they will be angels," then the other said, "beat the devil out of them and you will get angels."  HA!!!  
Now, I am NOT advocating child abuse, at any level, and some may think a simple spanking as that.  It is NOT.  We are reaping the benefits, of now, the 3rd generation of dwindling punishments and the most disrespectful children of any kind, and it is anything other than benefits.  We reap what we sow.  Rather, seeing the consequences of allowing the child to be in control over the parent, God has, I do believe, as in Romans 1:24-32, "gave them over...gave them over...gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper...disobedient to parents...and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but give hearty approval to those who practice them." 

We can only hope that parents will be who God intended them to be, for mothers and fathers to guide their child's footsteps each step of the way, sometimes with force, but always with love.  God does not leave us alone, but chastens and punishes us when we need it, and only because of the love He has for us.  We show we love our children when we discipline, when we correct, teach and train, when we are the in-control parent, God desires nothing less than our obedience and we should desire nothing less from our children.

Proverbs is full of instruction, and many, many chapters begin with, "My son, give attention to my words...My son, observe the commandment of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother...My son, keep my words."  Heed these words, and 13:24 says,
 "He who withholds his rod (i.e. correction or discipline) hates his son, 
But he who loves him disciplines him diligently."

I know you love your children, but God says if we do not discipline, we hate them.  Correct them, be consistent, be diligent, and show them love, God's love, with patience and the responsibility God has laid before you in the greatest job you will ever have.  Nothing will compare to the love and joy you will have to see your children walking with the Lord.

"Commit your works to the Lord
And your plans will be established."
Prov. 16:3

Always Experiencing Him,
Jody

Family Study

We love the time together to read and study God's Word.  

It consists mainly of reading through the Bible, but we have discussed books, studies, and over time our discussions keep getting better and better. 

We have learned much through studying and reading and tasting God's Word; sometimes it is bittersweet, other times it is sweet as honey on our lips, and all along we are learning more of how to live, what it means to be a woman or a man of God, our responsibilities according to His Word, and what He is saying to us, to our family, our churches, and our country.  

At times we may be sad because we see how we have fallen so far away from God's original intent for our lives here on this earth.  

Yet, we are willing to hear His words, willing to sit, to study, to encourage one another, and yes, hear what God is saying to us.

Here is a time of study in the great outdoors, with a bit of goofiness thrown in, aka Jenny, a wave to people driving by, and a song or 2.  Such good times in His word :). 

Take joy each moment you have with one another and God's word, and make time for it; it will be one of the most important investments you will ever make.

"From the rising of the sun to its setting

The name of the Lord is to be praised."

Psalm 113:3

Always Experiencing Him,

Jody

Consistency

Consistency in Parenting

Just as a hay baler scoops up the windrows of hay and forms and molds them to either square or round bales, then turns them out consistently in the field, one right after another, we must be consistent in the training of our precious ones God has left in our care.

Consistency.  We need the right consistency for our bread to bake properly, cake icing needs beaten til the perfect consistency, we need consistency from the sun and the rain for our gardens to produce the greatest amount of produce, and we must have consistency in the training up of our children.

Will we be consistent 100% of the time?  No, because we ourselves are fallen creatures, sinners saved by the grace of Jesus Christ, our Lord, but we must strive towards this end.

There are many consequences for our inconsistency, whether we are too lazy, or we want to be more of our children's friends than their parents, or we simply find it too difficult.  Let's look at some ways where not being balanced and consistent can set us up for failure.  Yes, God gives grace, and oftimes when we do something the wrong way, He covers us and we are still blessed, and other times we see the consequences of what we should have done different to prevent bad behavior.  That is what we will see here in the next few paragraphs.

Parents too often allow only one to be the disciplinarian while the other may not have or want any part of this process.  Sometimes the mother will simply not allow the father to have a part in the discipline process, and in this way they are setting their sons and daughters up for failure because one, they will not have any respect for male authority, beginning with their father, and subsequently, will disregard others in authority over them.  This is wrong on another level because the husband and father is to be the prophet, priest, protector and provider.  When he is not allowed to be the things God has called him to, the family will suffer.  Now mothers, if you are married to a "Mr. Command" man, and he has said he is to be the only disciplinarian, then you must adhere to his desires, because God has placed you under his authority, but problems arise from this as well, because the children will grow up not respecting the mother as they should and thus treating their spouses in ways not pleasing to the Lord.  The father can command the children to respect the mother but it will be from a demand rather than a desire to please and respect.  Consistency and balance in all things is God's plan for us as parents; it is how He loves and guides us.  We must follow Him.

Sometimes we have the wrong consistency, and just like a loaf of bread, a cake, or icing which will not turn out without the right consistency, we can train our children to dishonor and disrespect those they come in contact with.  How many times has your child been disobedient and we say, "if you do that again, you will get in trouble," only to say it 10 more times before you actually dole out some sort of punishment, if any at all?  Other times we say, " don't make me count to three," and only then we may follow through, and still others simply never do what they say.  The lesson you have just taught your child is to lie, because you said you would do something and then did not do it.  In Elisabeth Elliot's book, Let Me Be a woman, she speaks of this.  Now, we would never intentionally teach our children to lie, and we would always tell them lying is wrong, and it is a sin to lie, yet every time we say the above, that is exactly what we have done.  Our children need to learn to obey, all the way, right away, and with a joyful heart.  When we consistently allow our children to wait until we count to three to do something we are teaching them "delayed obedience," as Voddie Baucham, in Family Driven Faith calls it, and that is disobedience, whichever way you look at it.  The earlier you begin to teach your children to obey, the easier it will be when they get 5, 10, or 15 years old.  When you wait until they are one of these ages to begin teaching obedience, more often than not you have already lost them.

Consistency can work to the good or to the bad, and as parents we must look to God's Word, our training manual for life, and specifically in this area of raising our children.  Proverbs is absolutely filled with how to train our children.  Remember, parents are to take this responsibility and train their children; it is not the primary job of others they come in contact with.  Others should be able to see the benefits of raising our children for Christ by how they obey those in authority over them, how they are willing to help, to serve, in being kind, and not manipulative in any way.  Seeing children this way, we know parents have been balanced and consistent in training their future young men and young ladies.

I am not saying this is totally foolproof, because we are all sinners and eventually our young ones must answer for themselves, but I would say, and this is my opinion, that 9 times out of 10, we will have loving, kind, respectful, obedient children.  There are many other reasons why our "training" may not be effective, and I will not go into detail, but some are when mothers are not with their children, when we do not have a "gentle and meek spirit," when we let others do more of the training than we do, or we hardly ever say "no" to anything, whether it is giving them everything they want, or never withholding anything, then there will be consequences for these actions we as parents have allowed.  These consequences will also be felt in the future generations to come, as Exodus 20:5-6 points out.  Verse 6 though, gives us hope, where it says, "but showing loving kindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments."  Consequences for disobedience and loving kindness for keeping His commandments!  God is good, but He is also a just God.  He desires and expects our best, and we should not give Him less.  We must search His Word for our instructions and obey all the way, right away, and with a joyful heart, and consistently teach our children the same.  The rewards are abundant and glorious!  Young adults who love His Word and His ways are a gift and a blessing of our diligence and consistent obedience to the One who died for and saved us from our sins.  What amazing love!  

I had been planning this post for some time and when I was getting ready to finish it, I received a great post from Joy at gracefullmama.com.  She deals alot with grace parenting, and this is something no one taught me while raising my children.  I did use Scripture in teaching and training, and explained why we do or do not do something, but not to the extent they teach, and sometimes, though, we simply must obey.  Read her wonderful words at the link above and be encouraged.  

I continued in prayer and waited for God to give me the rest of the words He wanted me to say, and then soon after, Joy wrote another glorious post on being inconsistent, which is something I have been on my blog for the past few weeks.  There are going to be many times I am inconsistent in blogging because my family will come first.  I appreciate you who read and I pray a post will bless you or maybe give you insight into our Great God you may not have had before.  I love and pray for each of you whose desire is to follow Him in all things and raise your children in the way God would have us to.  Since I am presently on the other side, and am now an "older" woman, I pray my words will be an encouragement to each and every one of you.

Always love, love, love as you discipline your children, God disciplines us because He loves us, we do the same with our children.  So, let all you do be done in and through love, for them and for God.

Learning, loving and serving together in Christ, because He first loved us.

Always Experiencing Him,

Jody

Responsibility

We know as mothers we have a major impact on our children; how they respect their fathers, and anyone in authority over them.  We are to respect our husbands; we are created to be their helpers, to help them fulfill whatever vision God has given them.  Even when we think they have no vision, we are to be there for them, as God is the head of Christ, Christ is the head of every man, and man is the head of a woman (his wife).  We know God's plan, and the order of His design is always best; that is His will.

Let us look at responsibility.  Being responsible for those God has put under our provision, protection, guidance, and discipleship is a great honor and privilege.  Until we as parents, and mothers in particular, step into our role God has given us, our future generations will continue in the same rebellious, disrespectful attitudes we see in our society as a whole.  Our children are gifts from God, our Father.  Psalm 127:3 says, "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward."  Let us step up, take responsibility, teach and train them to lead future generations for His glory.

There are many books on parenting, some good, some not, but what I am going to discuss will be practical ideas, hands-on tips, we can actually put into practice.  We all know the many different development stages of children, and there are times in a child's life to deal with different issues, but I will say most things a child needs to learn, starts at the beginning, when we bring them home.  This can be something as simple as reading to them as an infant.  

I have learned over the past 20 years, from our own parenting strategies, God given discernment, and observations of many, many different families, that the earlier you begin to train your child in every area, the easier it will be.  Don't wait til a certain age to teach them to be nice, to respect others, to obey, to keep their cup upright, respect others' property, or not tear up books and toys.  Waiting til they are 2, 3, or 4, or even later, you have already taught them it is OK for that behavior and you confuse them when all of a sudden you tell them they cannot do that anymore.  When you let bad behavior go for any length of time it makes it much more difficult to discipline and re-train them to the right behavior.  By "right" behavior, I mean the Godly behavior God expects from them, to obey their parents, and treat others better than themselves.

Ephesians 6:1-3 says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth."  When we as parents do not teach our children to obey us, we could be shortening their life. 

I want you to do a little math with me now.  Moms, I want you to figure up the many different people who "help" take care of your children.  Be sure and count daycare workers, whether they are family, grandparents, or not, SS teachers, Children's Church workers or nursery workers, Sunday night study or small groups, Wednesday night workers, or any extra curricular activities they may be a part of.  I now want you to figure up the hours you are actually with your children.  Do not count the hours they are asleep or with any of the aforementioned people.  Add up the hours your children are with all the other people, and compare the numbers.  Whichever number is the highest, that is who is raising your children.  We must take the responsibility in raising our own children for His glory, not pass it off for others to do.  Pick and choose carefully, those activities that are beneficial to them and to your family as a whole.  Do more with other families, not splitting the family at every turn.  God will bless your efforts!

Ask yourself if your children are obedient and respectful, if not, this is the biggest part of your problem.  Even if your child is only with a couple of these other people, no one can have exactly the same disciplinarian ways as you.  This causes confusion in your child.  Children are not capable of comprehending why one will let them do one thing and another will not.  Their "bad" behavior is the result.  They simply do not understand, are confused, and will act out.  I have seen some of the sweetest and happiest children do a 180 when their mothers decided to go to work, for whatever reason.  Again, step up to the plate of responsibility.

Mothers, I beg and plead with you to take this responsibility God has gifted you with, love and train your children as God had planned; the end results on how they relate to you and to their future spouses will be greatly affected.  If you "must" work, find a job you can work from home with a few hours, there are many opportunities now, have a yard sale and get rid of  "stuff," do without eating out, or even cell phones.  Who knew we once survived without them.  Do what it takes to be there for your children, believe me there are only a few short years you are blessed with this responsibility.  There are many seasons in our lives and this is only one, accept this season and really enjoy it.  When they are grown, then you can go and live your "dreams" if you so desire, but the question should be, if God so desires.

Yes, I realize there are many single moms who must raise their children and provide for them.  We live in a fallen world, and there are consequences as a result of our actions or the actions of others; some have no control over what has happened, a spouse has died or may have left.  You must know yourself what God's plan is for you in those situations and I pray for those who have this added burden, but remember, God works all things for good, to those that love Him.  (Rom. 8:28)

My desire and what God has continuously placed on my heart is to help you see the importance of this God ordained job in His Almighty plan.

If you missed the first couple posts, go here:

Encouragement for Moms

Motherhood and Respect


I will be hosting a giveaway of an "old" new book I just read.
John MacArthur's Found: God's Will has been an eye opening read, and I wanted to share it with others.
Check back tomorrow, March 6th for how to enter.

Always Experiencing Him,

Jody